is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
