he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
