Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
