haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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