Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
