hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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