Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I faked an abortion last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
