Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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