This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
