I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
