i would punch a child for taco bell
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
