I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
