i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
