I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
