Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
