My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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