But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
