You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
