I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
