I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
