I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
