Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
