he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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