Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
