If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
