btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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