Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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