the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
