haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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