I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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