I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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