The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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