she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
