I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
