dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
