Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We left an ass print on the piano.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
