pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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