your parents love me but you hate me
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
