Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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