The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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