oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
