Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I love having hate sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
