I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
