I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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