Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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