I think I died a long time ago.
You can't special order awesome
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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