oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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