Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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