Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
