so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
