is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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