i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
