my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
