You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
