Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
