Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
