no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
