i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
